Don't ever let anyone tell you that children diagnosed with Autism are incapable of empathy. It just isn't true!!!
Barney is again on a downward spiral at school. He had six incident-free weeks in a row between December and early February and the TEAM decided to back off his rewards a bit. Unfortunately his aide interpreted this to mean she could relax and that was the wrong thing to do. He's been in trouble 3 out of the last 4 days. When he gets in trouble, he becomes anxious; when he's anxious he looses his abililty to control his impulses; when he looses impulse control be becomes physically aggressive. Physical aggression lands him in seclusion and results in an in school suspension. Yep, that's where he was Wednesday and Thursday of last week, and again today.
Last night when I was putting Barney to bed we had our nightly chat about his day. I told him I was sad because he was spending so much time alone. That it hurt me to see him in trouble so often and that I felt like I was failing him as a Mom because I couldn't figure out a way to make things better for him. He told me, "It's not your fault Mommy! You are the best Mommy ever, its school who is doing something wrong." Then he gave me a huge hug and the tears ran down my face. If that wasn't an act of empathy, I don't know what is.
Last night I posted a question on Confessions on an Asperger's Mom's facebook page and the response from the community was overwhelming. We need to make some significant changes for my son. I don't know exactly what or when, but change is definitely in the air.
This morning I was awakened at 6:23am by a gentle kiss on my cheek and a softly whispered, "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy" in my ear. He gets it!!! He knew I was hurting and worried about him and he reacted appropriately; empathy at its finest. He's spending Valentine's Day in suspension but was able to put my feelings ahead of his. Its not going to be the best Valentine's Day of my life, but I'm going to hold on to the warmth of his love all day.
He sounds far more empathic than the teachers and administrators at his school!
ReplyDeleteI read through your question and the answers on the As Mom FB page you linked to. It sounds very very painful, both for him and for you. My heart goes out to you. It sounds so toxic. He's being punished harshly for behavior that stems from overwhelm and panic.
When we pulled D out of school, my intention was to look at different placements (most likely special ed schools) with him at home in recovery mode in the interim, but homeschooling ended up working best for us. The classes he takes are small and he's there voluntarily. It makes all the difference. It might not be the right choice for you, I recognize that, but is it worth a try, at least as a stopgap measure? Or would he be too exhausting to handle at home? (Though his stress level would be down, and that would probably help.)