Reality Sets In

I've been MIA from this blog for awhile.  While on the phone with my Mom this morning I realized that I have not been sharing the happenings in our family with anyone lately.  I don't honestly know how many of my friends/family even read my blog but it feels easier to write about it here and let the pieces fall as they will.

Barney has been in a Psychiatric Hospital since April 18th. He's in the day program so he comes home every afternoon and sleeps in his own bed but its a lock-down unit none-the-less. Not exactly information that you want to shout from the rooftops. I've been traumatized, embarrassed and overwhelmed by the whole thing.  The poor kid spent his 8th birthday there!  Mommy guilt galore....

My immediate family is aware. A few close friends who do not live in town were told, but I did not reach out. Once again I have isolated myself in my darkest hours.  Not the healthiest response but I pull inside myself when the going gets tough.

We have a huge meeting with Barney's school tomorrow morning. It is school anxiety which landed him in the hospital to begin with.  Not really looking forward to this meeting.  The Hospital does not want to keep him as an inpatient long-term, which is a good thing but I am not confident in the school's ability to keep him relaxed and feeling safe which is imperative to his successful re-entry.

Barney has not been in school at all since April 13th.  He was pulled out of school due to medical necessity on March 19th and returned for half-days between March 26-April 13. We desperately need the school system to admit that they are not equipped to deal with him. The reality is that we live in the wrong area.  The closest appropriate private placement is over 70 miles away. I have no idea how this is going to resolve but I am scared for my kid!!!

Aspies, Empathy and Valentine's Day

Don't ever let anyone tell you that children diagnosed with Autism are incapable of empathy.  It just isn't true!!!

Barney is again on a downward spiral at school.  He had six incident-free weeks in a row between December and early February and the TEAM decided to back off his rewards a bit.  Unfortunately his aide interpreted this to mean she could relax and that was the wrong thing to do.  He's been in trouble 3 out of the last 4 days.  When he gets in trouble, he becomes anxious; when he's anxious he looses his abililty to control his impulses; when he looses impulse control be becomes physically aggressive. Physical aggression lands him in seclusion and results in an in school suspension. Yep, that's where he was Wednesday and Thursday of last week, and again today.

Last night when I was putting Barney to bed we had our nightly chat about his day.  I told him I was sad because he was spending so much time alone.  That it hurt me to see him in trouble so often and that I felt like I was failing him as a Mom because I couldn't figure out a way to make things better for him.  He told me, "It's not your fault Mommy!  You are the best Mommy ever, its school who is doing something wrong."  Then he gave me a huge hug and the tears ran down my face. If that wasn't an act of empathy, I don't know what is.

Last night I posted a question on Confessions on an Asperger's Mom's facebook page and the response from the community was overwhelming. We need to make some significant changes for my son.  I don't know exactly what or when, but change is definitely in the air.

This morning I was awakened at 6:23am by a gentle kiss on my cheek and a softly whispered, "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy" in my ear.  He gets it!!!  He knew I was hurting and worried about him and he reacted appropriately; empathy at its finest.  He's spending Valentine's Day in suspension but was able to put my feelings ahead of his. Its not going to be the best Valentine's Day of my life, but I'm going to hold on to the warmth of his love all day.

Bumps and Bruises

Its been an incredibly rough school year so far. Barney did not transition well to his new second grade teacher or classroom in September. He came home from the first day of school announcing, "Second grade it stupid. Everything is babyish. I hate school."

Not a great way to start the year. By the third day of school, his behavior landed him in the Principal's office. Thank goodness she knows him well given that he's been a frequent flier there since Kindergarten. She's calm, patient and firm with him which is exactly what he needs most when he's on a rampage. Barney gave her an ultimatum on that day," Give me harder work by October 1st or I'm never coming back!"

Unfortunately his behavior escalated to the point that the school gave up the focus on curriculum in favor of safety long before his deadline. So picture this, my gifted Aspie, who can read middle school literature with ease, spell any word in his vocabulary and add and subtract faster than most adults, sitting in a classroom working on long vowels. Most people suggest he should just keep a book in his desk for when he completes his work. Not so easy. Barney may be academically gifted, but socially, emotionally and behaviorally he's more like a preschooler. He's also loud, impulsive, bossy, inflexible, sensory defensive, anxious and has a hairpin trigger for meltdowns. September turned into his worst behavior month EVER.

Our early October IEP meeting morphed into a crisis intervention meeting . The TEAM spent hours brainstorming strategies to deescalate the frequency and intensity of Barney's meltdowns. I left that meeting exhausted but hopeful. The weeks following our meeting were dramatically better.  Life wasn't perfect of course but, I could begin to imagine a day when I might be able to relax between the hours of 8:40 am and 2:40 pm.


Then the October blizzard hit.  Our area was devastated by downed trees, live wires in the streets and a town wide power outage which lasted 8 days.  Not only did the kids miss Halloween, school was canceled for an entire week.  Now, a week off from school is always a challenge for a child who combats anxiety with predictability but an unscheduled week off with almost no information about when we would get back to normal was a recipe for disaster. Barney did amazingly well during the storm's aftermath.  Everyday I'd make a schedule of our activities for the day to keep him calm.  This worked well for us.  Sleeping was another issue all together but I was impressed by how well he held himself together in general.


The children finally returned to school on November 7th.  Barney returned to his class ready to work and was met by Halloween spelling words, Halloween math, a Halloween writing prompt and more Halloween activities.  I am sure many of the children in the class did not appreciate the reminder that Halloween had been canceled  but it was more than Barney could take. All the progress that had been made in the three weeks prior to the storm was lost and we were back to square one with his behavior.