Aspies, Empathy and Valentine's Day

Don't ever let anyone tell you that children diagnosed with Autism are incapable of empathy.  It just isn't true!!!

Barney is again on a downward spiral at school.  He had six incident-free weeks in a row between December and early February and the TEAM decided to back off his rewards a bit.  Unfortunately his aide interpreted this to mean she could relax and that was the wrong thing to do.  He's been in trouble 3 out of the last 4 days.  When he gets in trouble, he becomes anxious; when he's anxious he looses his abililty to control his impulses; when he looses impulse control be becomes physically aggressive. Physical aggression lands him in seclusion and results in an in school suspension. Yep, that's where he was Wednesday and Thursday of last week, and again today.

Last night when I was putting Barney to bed we had our nightly chat about his day.  I told him I was sad because he was spending so much time alone.  That it hurt me to see him in trouble so often and that I felt like I was failing him as a Mom because I couldn't figure out a way to make things better for him.  He told me, "It's not your fault Mommy!  You are the best Mommy ever, its school who is doing something wrong."  Then he gave me a huge hug and the tears ran down my face. If that wasn't an act of empathy, I don't know what is.

Last night I posted a question on Confessions on an Asperger's Mom's facebook page and the response from the community was overwhelming. We need to make some significant changes for my son.  I don't know exactly what or when, but change is definitely in the air.

This morning I was awakened at 6:23am by a gentle kiss on my cheek and a softly whispered, "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy" in my ear.  He gets it!!!  He knew I was hurting and worried about him and he reacted appropriately; empathy at its finest.  He's spending Valentine's Day in suspension but was able to put my feelings ahead of his. Its not going to be the best Valentine's Day of my life, but I'm going to hold on to the warmth of his love all day.

The Other Shoe

We had such high hopes for the new behavior plan Barney's school implemented on Monday.  It worked like a charm for three days but despite careful planning, the team forgot to factor in Phys Ed.

Barney attends the largest elementary school in town. There are 4 or 5 classes at each grade level resulting in overcrowding. One of the consequences of this overcrowding is doubling up classes for Gym.  Barney has Sensory Processing Disorder  and is very sensitive to sound.  We cannot easily take him to any of the warehouse type stores (Home Depot, COSTCO, Wal Mart, etc) without a meltdown.  The vast space, echo, and crowds quickly put him into sensory overload.  And what do a warehouse store and a school gym have in common?  You got it: sensory overload for my boy.

Being the true Aspie that he is, Barney craves order and predictability.  Thursday's gym class activity was a game of random order.  Balls bouncing all over the gym while 44 second graders ran around making noise and my kid was already at maximum overload. When the whistle blew, anyone holding one of the 5 orange balls became a leader of the next round. Round 1, Barney didn't get a ball and he was OK.  Round 2 and he didn't get a ball; his distress began to increase.  Round 3 and no ball, he grabbed one out of another child's hand.  He was put in time out for 5 minutes and returned to the game. Immediate repeat of round 3 behavior and he was removed from the gym.  Upon removal he became physically aggressive.

As required by his behavior plan, any physical aggression towards another person lands him in a half-day, in school suspension.  Is it just me or could this episode have been prevented if the staff had acknowledged his SPD and handled things differently?  I feel like I am eternally waiting for the other shoe to drop.